Letter of the past
by keikeisheep
Summary: A series of letters from Fukuzawa Yumi to her family from the time she left home to find her true self with the little time she have left. mainly Yumi's pov


disclaimer:I do not own anything from Maria sama ga miteru

(this doesn't tell much of the events that happens, it is just something that i thought of to spice up the story afterward, the real story will be made according to these letters and is more detailed)

**Letter of the past**

March 18th

To my family,

Everyone, I know I shouldn't leave home at such time, I'm sorry my life is but a burden to you all. Everyone tried to hide it from me, but I knew, I knew about the short time I have left, it was not that much of a surprise, I felt that I have already knew this since born. As my death approach, I realise the fate was kind to me, you all gave me everything but all I could give was sadness that would only pain you more.

I will continue writing letters to let you all know I am safe. Don't try to search for me, I know that you can easily find me but let me go. That is all I wish for now. With the remaining of my life, I wish to be an ordinary girl, attend school, living life with no worry for a future that would not exist.

I'm sorry.

Fukuzawa Yumi

April 10th

To my family,

How are you, I hope you are all fine, I'm sorry I cannot be there to see you. I have been accepted in school. I know one of you did something but I'm thankful to you, it the first time I felt I'm not someone special, not someone that always burdens other.

I don't know if I should tell you but there a person I admire here, I'm not sure what this feeling is but its okay. I know it's funny since this is an all-girl school but this one-sided feeling toward this person will be the fuel to keep me living. I wish for the very best for all of you.

Fukuuzawa Yumi

October 13th

To my family,

Maybe this was fate, I'd never expect to meet her in such way, never less asked to be her soeur in such way. Maybe leaving wasn't the best idea. No ignore that it nothing, she still the same as what I thought her to be, it just that this meeting was not necessary at all. I didn't want her to notice me at all. I just wanted to watch her from the side, that all I ever wanted but fate was so cruel. Her confidences as she those words, stating I will become her soeur, never knowing the truth of me, I cannot accept it, even if it's for her, this choice must never be made.

Fukuzawa Yumi

October 20th

To my family,

What should I do, I accepted her rosary, I can't just return it now, everyone already knows. I can't make her lose face, I can't make her sad, she looked so relief when I accepted it, I just can't. Maybe this is the punishment for leaving everyone. I'm sorry, this is suppose to tell you I'm well and healthy but all I had been doing is make you more worry. I'm fine, everything is still the same. I hope everyone is healthy.

Fukuzawa Yumi

January 5th

To my family,

Everything is fine, on new I went to my onee-sama's house for a sleep-over, you already know right, it was a surprise when I saw Yuuki. I know you want me to return home but I can't, not anymore, no one must know of our relationship, Yuuki helped me by pretending he don't me. I know this is too much to ask for, even from my own brother but it's the only way for me to become truly free. I'm sorry for being selfish.

I'm sorry.

Fukuzawa Yumi

Feb 13th

To my family,

It nearly valentine, it be the first I'd ever try to make chocolate, it would be great if you would be able to taste it. It would be the first time I will truly celebrate valentine, I never truly had the time for it in the past. Though my onee-sama seem to hate chocolate or the event of valentine altogether, I'll give it a try, a sempai of mine gave me the courage. I really wish I would be able to win the date for the bouton treasure hunt.

I wish you all are with your loved one even if I'm not there.

Fukuzawa Yumi

Feb 15th

To my family,

I couldn't believe it, I'm going on a date with onee-sama, it would be the first time I'd ever been on a date. I'm really excited, maybe I'll understand those feeling I'd felt for so on. Everything might become clearer for me, maybe, just maybe, my life will become something more than a burden.

I feeling like the happiest person right now, just thinking about the date made forget those pains, being here I might have just found the life I'd wish for.

Thank you for letting me go.

Fukuzawa Yumi

Feb 24th

To my family,

I know I'm asking too much but save me, save me from these overbearing feeling, I love her, I really do love her. Being so close to her but knowing I'll never reach her is tearing me apart. If this was love, I wish this is never known. This pain, this...

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. This was not the freedom I had wish for, why is fate so cruel.

Fukuzawa Yumi

Feb 25th

To my family,

I know, I'm sorry for leaving again. I know everyone will be there for me but, I must live on here, my life is no longer where you are. Don't get me wrong, I loved everyone, but my live was anew, I can no longer return to my old life, I can no longer be the same as before.

This is my life now, no matter how painful it might become I must live through it, I can no longer depend on you. I cannot become the burden that I had been before, I must deal my these feeling, hiding it won't be that hard, I'm used to that, remember?

I will be perfectly fine, l promise.

Fukuzawa Yumi

March 25th

To my family,

It been a year since I left home, this year was really a different life for me, I have seen so many new thing, understand so much, found so much. I wish I could share all these feeling with you but I also know it would be impossible, the third year had graduated, I will become a second year, then a year later, onee-sama will and I'll become a third year. After that I will no longer need to pretend right? I will no longer need to be strong, I can have my rest right?

I'm sorry, I don't know what had become of me, maybe all these leaving and coming is getting to me, I'm just joking, really.

Fukuzawa Yumi

May 5th

To my Family,

I'm not sure what happening, onee-sama just called to cancel our date to the amusement park, I know she's just too busy but for some reason I got a weird feeling. I must be thinking too much.

Don't worry about me, I'm taking good take of myself.

Fukuzawa Yumi

May 18th

To my family,

I can't take it anymore, onee-sama doesn't need me anymore, maybe I should just return the rosary, I can't feel anymore. All I wanted was a promise, it doesn't matter if it doesn't happen, all I needed was a confirmation that she still sees me as her petite soeur. The more I try to find out what's happening, the more painful it becomes. I decided I will return the rosary and let onee-sama choose again, maybe then this pain will end.

Fukuzawa Yumi

May 25th

To my family,

How stupid can I be, onee-sama was in pain but all I cared was myself. I was finally able to see her again, I broke her but she still call for my name. She whispered her love to me, but her love and my love was different, even if it was the same, there's no way I could accept it, right? I would only sadden her more, maybe I shouldn't have seen her.

Why did we ever meet, if only she didn't know me, I would be able watch her by the side, never knowing the feeling of love, never hurting her, till death come upon me.

Fukuzawa Yumi

June 10th

To my family,

I know I shouldn't but the offer was too tempting to resist, I am going to onee-sama summer house, I know some of you might follow me so I won't tell you where, but if we do meet, please pretend you don't know me, that is all I'm asking of you.

Thank you

Fukuzawa Yumi

July 25th

To my family,

I never would have guess Yuuki's school would be like that, please tell Yuuki not to blame himself, what happen was not his fault. I bet you all already know about the chat I had with Yuuki, please understand my reason for doing all these.

Fukuzawa Yumi

September 16th

To my family,

My school's culture festival is coming up, I'm sorry I cannot invite any of you, but I know Yuuki will be there, he would tell you about everything afterward. Do not and I mean do try to get in your way, if that happen, this might be the last letter I would ever send to you.

Fukuzawa Yumi

October 20th

To my family,

I have never expected to hear that from onee-sama, especially not on the day we became soeur. Now I stuck with a friend that promised her onee-sama's onee-sama that she have a petite soeur soon. Onee-sama will never see me get a petite soeur, she would never know the reason why.

A person like me who have nothing would never be able to give happiness to another.

Fukuzawa Yumi

December 20th

To my family,

This Sunday I'm finally going on that date to the amusement park with onee-sama, suddenly I have become really excited, it not like this was our first date but for some reason I cannot calm down.

Fukuzawa Yumi

January 8th

To my family,

This was the second new year I have not spend with you, but don't worry I was at onee-sama, I promise soon I be able to return home, as soon as onee-sama graduate, I would have no more regret, please let me continue this selfish dream.

Fukuzawa Yumi

February 14th

To my family,

The treasure hunting was on again this year, but this time I'm hiding the card. Onee-sama know me too well, she found the card so fast that I wasn't able to react fast enough. Maybe this date will be the late for us, I will treasure it for the remaining of my time.

Fukuzawa Yumi

Date unknown (March)

To the Yamayurikai,

I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly, I have some problem at home that need to be fixed, I don't think I be able to return to the yamayurikai anymore, thank you everyone for taking care of me. I wish you all the best of luck in the future.

Fukuzawa Yumi

Date unknown (March)

Onee-sama,

I's sorry I wasn't able to accept your love, I love you, I truly loved you, but we were never meant to be, maybe it was fate that we met but we were never fated to be together, I hope you will be able to find someone that would be able to love you, find someone that you were fated to be together with.

I'm sorry, Sachiko

Love

Fukuzawa Yumi

Date unknown

To my family,

If you got this letter, that mean my life have already ended, don't be sad about my death, it was how it was suppose to go. I have never cursed my fate, my life is just a piece of everyone's, you must live on and carry on with your life. That is my last wish, everyone must continue their life happily and eventually forget about me, if not my life is really nothing but a burden to you all.

In those two years, I felt myself growing weaker and weaker, but I had never given up. The years we were together, I felt the love and care of you all, but in those two years, I'd felt things that I'd never felt before. I might have been unhappy at times but I fell in love, a feeling so great that it pain me to be in love, but with this love I've become stronger. I was happy to have given my heart to her.

This is my last request as the heir of the Fukuzawa family, disown me from the Fukuzawa family, no one must know of me, alive or dead, the heir cannot be known to be so weak. Find a quiet place and bury me there, maybe a place with my beloved Rosa Chinensis.

Loved

Fukuzawa Yumi


End file.
